Santa's Off The Pipe
Is this about the earliest you've seen a picture of Santa or been forced to think of Christmas? At least I'm not trying to sell you something.
A new edition of Clement Moore's classic, Twas The Night Before Christmas will be in stores this season without any smoking references. As we know the jolly old elf is oft times pictured with a pipe. I believe I recently saw a photo of him smoking a pipe while driving his sled...no, wait...that was Amanda Bynes.
THE POEM HAS BEEN CHANGED...
...to eliminate the mention of the stump of his pipe, or the wreath of smoke around his head. Anti-smoking advocates feel this is necessary so that Santa is a better influence for children. Gosh knows how many smokers started up cause Santa smoked. Movies, television and peer pressure be damned, it was Santa all along. I guess that's why we always left him cookies, milk and tobacco when I was a kid. Nothing like a smoke after a good meal.
Apparently parents had been ripping or skipping the pages of the book referencing Santa's habit. There have been stories of children crying because they found out Santa smoked and they feared he would die of a smoking-related disease. I'm sure these are all true. Why would anti-smoking advocates lie?
The poem is in the public domain, (it's about 200 years old) which means you can change just about anything in it without fear of a call from North Pole lawyers. The new book will allegedly be in Chapters/Indigo just in time for Christmas. Why not?
Btw, animal advocates. Santa's treatment of reindeer has for the most part gone unpunished. Perhaps you could release a version where he drives an electric car, at the very least a hybrid. LEAVE COMMENTS.
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